i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
