Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My balls are so social today.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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