so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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