o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
