You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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