im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
