You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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