i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
