is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
