If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
