Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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