I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
