So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Say something about gay babies.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
