I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
