nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
