so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want a musical about memes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
