my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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