He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
