how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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