headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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