im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
