So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
