dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
