I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
