you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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