When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
