Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
