I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
