So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
