There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
