guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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