I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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