i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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