Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
