Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
