I want to stick my p in your. b.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
