Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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