I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
birth control should be required to get into college
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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