is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
