I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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