In America we eat man semen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
