My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Holy shit dude........stairs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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