no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
