But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
