Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
