I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its not stalking. its research.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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