Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
