So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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