If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
