Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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