Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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