I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
