i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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