My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
